Complete and total Colorblindness at all-white (minus a few) Mestizo Mulatto Mongrel Elementary

One of my favorite riffs in White Boy Shuffle is the one on colorblindness. Starting on page 29, Gunnar describes his early experiences as the sole "cool black guy" (as he calls himself and, later, the doctor calls him) at his self-proclaimed "multicultural" school. The hypocrisy and sarcasm drip here, from the school's name (three alliterative terms for individuals of, respectively, latino/native american, black/white, and canine heritage) to the homophonic Ms. Cegeny (obviously a reference to miscegeny, prohibition of interracial marriage) who wears a shirt that labels people of all races "human." Beatty's own opinions on this stuff are pretty clear, and I liked picking through the paragraphs to find his concise rebuttals.

First off: A piece of "multiculturalist propaganda" hangs above the blackboard in Ms. Cegeny's room. It reads: "Eracism -- The sun doesn't care what color you are." The class then begins to learn about "Fun with Sunshine and Thermodynamics." "Dark colors ... such as ... black absorb sunlight ... and light colors ... such as ... white reflect sunlight." It's all well and good to say color doesn't matter at all, but scientifically black and white are not the same color and are not treated as such, even by the sun. Gunnar realizes with some horror that he is hot, and the pasty white student next to him is not-- proof that the sun cares what color he is.

After a brief, creepily paternalized and primitivized Japanese lesson, Ms. Cegeny continues her speech. "Does anyone have an example of colorblind processes in American society?" One student replies, "Justice," and gets approval without stipulation (source source...) from the teacher. (Her worldview comes from the pleasant and quaint idea that there was racism in America, and then a thing called the civil rights movement happened and then racism disappeared forever and ever, the end. This is not what happened.) Gunnar's response to "What else is colorblind?" is appropriately cynical and insightful: "Dogs." Ms. Cegeny remarks, "I believe that dogs are truly colorblind, but they're born that way." I don't quite get what she means. Is she implying humans aren't truly colorblind? That would be out of character for her. Either way, she then tells her students, "it's important that we judge people for what?" "Their minds!"

Finally, Gunnar asks the doctor who is testing him for colorblindness how to be colorblind, when "that's hard to do if you can see color, isn't it?" "I think your teacher means don't make any assumptions based on color," the doctor says. "Cross on the green and not in between," Gunnar shoots back. "They're talking about human color." "So?" "So just pretend that you don't see color. Don't say things like 'Black people are lecherous, violent, natural-born criminals." "But I'm black." "Oh, I hadn't noticed," the doctor snarks as Gunnar leaves, with no further insights about how to pretend not to see people's race if you can totally see their race.

For all their pomp about colorblindness, these adults end up being the same ones who write that Gunnar is highly intelligent and rational "despite his race." So much for judging by "Their minds!". And for all their "classroom multicultural" teaching, these kids are the same ones who determine pecking order by "who knew the most Polack, queer, and farmer's daughter jokes." Beatty proves that blind colorblindness isn't a viable response to racism, and that a more active response is needed than sticking one's head in the sand.